Scotch
by Wolflover007
Summary: After experiencing her first patient death ER physician Cailin Martin drowns her guilt with some cheap whiskey at the Dirty Robber. That is until a certain ME shows up. Rated M for language and blood/violence. NO flames please. be respectful to writers.


A/N: I'm back. I've missed you guys. Hope you missed me too.

A future set fic This takes place about 12 years after the series finale.

This fic answers the idea of, "How do doctors react when they first experience patient death?"

been thinking of this fic for a while and finally wrote it. Out of character(rough yet loving) Maura so don't complain in reviews. I love me some rough and tough Maura. :)

Also while nothing explicit is shown, stuff is implied. You'll see what that means later.

Any mistakes are mine. Enjoy.

* * *

Angela stared at the woman at the bar. Sighed as the ER physician took another shot of the cheap whiskey. This was her 4th...or was it 5th...or 6th. She always worried about the girl. Though she wasn't a girl anymore being in her early 30's. She watched as the bartender kept sliding the woman cups of cola. She sighed as the woman choked down her pain, gagging as it seemed not even the burn of alcohol could ease the loss she endured.

"Sweetie. Maybe you should slow down. Get some food. It's not your fault." She said with the love of a mother.

"Leave me alone." The woman snapped at her and started chugging the bottle. Angela breathed deeply and texted the only person she knew that the young woman would listen to. She tried to take the alcohol away from the woman and was greeted with a deep angry growl.

The woman started sobbing quietly to herself as Angela waited..

**30 minutes later. **

The woman groaned as she looked at the half filled bottle. She felt a hand on her shoulder as she looked to her side. She looked at the older woman and then back at the bottle before putting her head on the table.

"That's a fine way to greet me." the older woman joked.

The ER doctor groaned before chugging the bottle some more.

"What do you want?" She spat at the older woman.

"Its wasn't your fault Cailin." Maura said before rubbing her sisters back.

"Yes it was. I hesitated. I waited too long. I was the leader. They all looked to me. I failed all of them."

"Sweetie. It happens. You can't save them all." Maura deadpanned though she was genuinely concerned about her sister's condition.

"That's easy for you to say. You never watched a child die. You never beared that responsibility. How could you possibly understand?!"

Maura pulled back startled by the screaming of her younger sister.

"I was too slow. Too hesitant to give the treatment and he died. How can you sit there and tell me it's not my fault."

Maura offered the doctor a hug.

"Go away. I'm fine!" Cailin yelled at Maura and shoved her off the barstool. Maura landed with a grunt before standing up and brushing herself off.

"Fine implies that you are very well. So you are well?"

"Yes! God. Leave me the fuck alone!" Cailin yelled as she let out a primal growl.

"Stand up." Maura ordered.

"What?"

"Stand. Up. Don't make me repeat myself."

"Why?"

"If you stand up i'll leave you alone."

Cailin groaned as she stood up. Or at least attempted to. She whimpered as the room spun and gripped the bar for support before sitting back down. Maura sighed and Cailin stared at her angrily.

"WHAT?" Cailin yelled getting the attention of nearby patrons.

"I stood up so keep your promise and go away."

"You didn't stand up."

"Bullshit I was on my feet."

* * *

Maura sighed and sat down. She looked at Cailins hand and saw 8 tally marks on it. She knew that trick. It was a way of keeping track of shots. She learned it in college and Cailin most likely did too.

"How many have you had?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

Cailin counted the tally marks on her hand. "At least 8. I kinda stopped counting after a while."

Maura looked at the woman disappointed but with loving eyes.

"That won't help."

"He died because of me. It's my fault. I was too worried about following procedure. About following rules. I still hear the flatline in my ears. Still see his blown up pupils. Still hear his mother's cries. The burn of the alcohol is the least of my worries.."

Maura smirked before standing to leave.

"Fine. keep drinking. Get to your 10th shot or your 15th. Drink that whole fucking bottle for all i care. Drink till you can't walk or remember your own name. Drink while everyone here watches how pathetic you are. Drink yourself into a fucking coma! I'm done."

Maura took a few steps before Cailin yelled out to her.

"Why the fuck do you care anyway!?"

That made Maura stop dead. She smiled as her plan worked. She walked back to the woman and stared at her.

"I care because i love you and i don't want to see you like this. This path is not healthy. I get that you're upset but i don't want to watch you destroy yourself. I have known alcoholics and seen what they became. I'm not gonna let you follow that path."

"Upset? Im more than upset. Im petrified. Its all my fault. How many more of my patients are gonna die when i go in next. How many more mothers will shed tears. How many more children will i murder. I'm not a real doctor...I'm nothing...I don't deserve to be a doc-"

Cailin didn't get to finish her statement as she landed on the floor. She felt pain in her jaw and looked up to see Maura. Her sister's eyes filled with venom and anger. Maura's body panting in absolute wrath. Her fist covered in blood. Cailin's blood.

Cailin's eyes went wide as she watched the blood drip from Maura's hand onto the floor. Her heart rate increased as the sobering reality set in. Maura hit her...Hard...very hard and was coming closer. She was too scared to move. Not that she could stand up anyway. Angela and Jane came closer having seen the fight. Maura glared at them.

"Stay the fuck out of this!" She yelled and angela stopped Jane from coming any closer.

Turning her attention back to her drunken sister she leaned close to her ear.

"You finish that sentence and it will be the last thing you ever say. Got it?" Maura asked; her voice dangerously low and almost soothing. Like silk. Maura licked the shell of her ear as Cailin trembled though not in fear this time. Maura helped the doctor stand. Well Cailin mostly leaned on Maura. They went to a booth. Maura sat down and Cailin sat on Maura's lap.

* * *

"Now when was the last time you ate?" Maura asked. Her voice playful though concerned.

"I think like 10 am." Cailin said.

Maura looked at the clock on the wall. 9:38 PM. She sighed before looking back at Cailin.

"Now you're gonna eat. Understand?"

"Only if i can sit on your lap."

"Deal." Maura said and waved Angela over. She ordered Cailin a simple sandwich before adjusting her. Cailin sat sideways across Maura's lap with her back leaning against the wall. As they waited Maura rubbed Cailin's stomach. Cailin tried to stifle a moan but one slipped through. She looked down at Maura who simply smirked in response. Maura's hand went under Cailins scrubs as she rubbed her stomach some more.

The sandwich came and Cailin stared at it. Her hands trembled as she tried to eat it so Maura helped her. Cutting the sandwich in half Maura held one half to Cailin's face. Cailin bit down while Maura rubbed her back. Cailin's breath reeked of alcohol but Maura pushed that aside. Cailin cried softly as she ate. The tenderness in Maura's actions taking the woman by surprise. She looked down into Maura's soft hazel eyes as Maura grabbed the other half. She held it in front of the doctor who slowly grabbed the sandwich.

"Shh. good girl. My good girl." Maura cooed Cailin as she ate.

"Good girl." Cailin whispered to herself.

"Yes. Very good girl. Very good." Maura repeated. "Eat up now." Maura tenderly rubbed her hand up Cailins stomach feeling the skin and muscles contract.

After eating Cailin massaged her sore Jaw.

"I hope I didn't break it."Maura said apologetically.

"I doubt it. I still ate."

Maura removed her hand from her sister's stomach. Caiin whined and grabbed the hand placing it on her chest. Maura didn't move and looked up confused. Cailin smiled but her eyes held a slight ...lust or was it mischief or both? Maura squeezed gently much to the ER doctors delight.

* * *

Jane looked at the pair from across the bar. She grew angry at the physical contact. She grumbled and wanted to go investigate.

"Don't go Jane. Leave them alone."

"Let my wife beat and grope her sister. I don't think so." She stood up.

"Your ex wife Jane. How they choose to interact is up to them. It seems very complicated, why make it more so?" Angela pleaded as Jane sat down.

"She's only my ex because of that stupid whore sister of hers." Jane said. _Why'd Maura pick her over me? _Jane thought to herself.

Angela sighed wanting to also investigate but she didn't.

Jane grumbled and went to the bathroom.

* * *

"Let's get you some air."

"Oh..okay." the younger woman said. While she was a rebellious youth and a foul mouthed doctor; she could never be assertive around Maura. Never crude and rude. Not when she was in the presence of a true lady like Maura. She worshiped her sister, almost to an unhealthy degree. Almost. Maura pulled her outside and they sat on a bench near the bar.

For a few minutes neither spoke. Cailin thought she saw the flicker of a lighter but dismissed it. Suddenly she smelled a rather unpleasant smell and waved the smoke away from her face.

"I know what it is like." She heard. When she turned to face Maura even she was shocked. Maura had a cigarette in her mouth and a cloud of smoke surrounding her.

Cailin said nothing and Maura took it as a sign to continue. She breathed the smoked in deeply before continuing.

"Her name was Raleigh. She was 6. Bruises, fractured bones, pneumothorax, Pale in color. Stats were poor. I examined her that day. It was my first case of residency at Boston General. We had a skeleton crew that night. We tried everything for her. Fluids, ice, chest tube, you name it. The doctor called her about 2 hours later. I didn't want to give up. Not on a little kid. I did CPR by myself for as long as I could.. My arms grew exhausted but I wouldn't give up even when all the others had. 5 minutes went by...ten minutes...15 minutes...after 20 minutes my arms couldn't take it anymore and I let her go. I remember the physician made an example of me ..." Maura took another drag before continuing.

"You follow my procedure. We have rules for a reason. When you break rules bad things happen. Is what he told me. I remember growling in his face before calling the police."

"Well that's the opposite of my problem. You broke the rules. I followed them." Cailin said leaning onto the ME. Maura patted her sisters hair before continuing.

"There's more. After that death we called the police and had the parents investigated for abuse. I thought the mom was innocent but the doctor followed the rules and blamed her. She was arrested and charged with abuse. A few days later I was walking to my car after work when a man approached me. As I turned around, I heard BANG! Bang!..."

Cailin jerked a little. Maura pet cailins hair.

"I was shot. Twice. He approached me and said, "Don't break the rules or bad things happen. You took my child now i'll take away your hope of having them." I was confused about what he meant but he walked away. It turns out I was shot in the uterus. They had to do an emergency hysterectomy.."

Maura stood, stomped out her cigarette and pulled her shirt up and her pants down a little bit. Allowing Cailin to see the terrible scar the surgery left. Cailin cautiously ran her fingers up and down the scar with the utmost respect.

"I was sterilized. All because I didn't follow the rules."

"I always wondered why you had this scar. I see it all the time when we fu…"

"Stop." Maura said before Cailin finished her sentence.

"The point is sometimes rules are meant to be broken and that's ok. If it saves a life, then it doesn't matter." Maura said.

"But that kid died…" Cailin said confused.

"But the father was charged with both my assault and child abuse, forever sentenced to prison. The mom went free as she was the victim of abuse. I saved the mother's life. And that's what is important."

"If you are trying to make me feel less guilty by telling me this story...you didn't."

"I wasn't trying to make you feel less guilty. I was trying to show you that rules can be bent a little and that just because you lose one patient; it doesn't make you a bad doctor. After being shot i was too traumatized to work with the living and went back to school to become a forensic pathologist."

* * *

"The dead easier to work with?" Cailin joked and Maura sat down next to her.

"Well they don't talk back as much."

"I feel kinda silly now. I lost a patient… you were almost murdered for doing the same thing. The worst i got was a mother sobbing in my arms." Cailin said looking down at the ground. Maura's closeness made her feel warm when she suddenly felt like doing some mischief. She was somewhat sober enough to stand and "trip" Into Maura's arms. Maura grabbed her and pulled her close.

"Sss...sorry." Cailin purposefully slurred her words. It made her seem more childish and submissive and that was amusing to Maura.

"Its ok. Let's sit you down." Maura sat back down and Cailin straddled her.

"Sigh. You know that's not what I meant." Maura said annoyed.

"mm.. .." Cailin said before smirking and pushing herself further into the ME.

"You should rest."

Cailin pouted and ground into Maura.

"But i wanna play…" She said and Maura finally understood what the doctor wanted.

"No." she said sternly.

"Why not?"

"You know the rule."

"But you just said rules can be bent." Cailin said before smirking. Maura wasn't sure if the doctor was still intoxicated or was doing this on purpose but either way she stayed firm.

"Not this one. This one can never be bent."

"Why?" Cailin whined.

"Because I said so." Maura pulled the doctors hair back, enticing a low moan out of the younger woman. "You're intoxicated. That was one of our rules. No intoxication allowed."

Cailin sighed but relented. Maura helped her stand and they went back to the bar. Cailin stumbled while Maura guided her. When they approached the counter, Jane glared at the pair but said nothing. Maura looked at Angela and smiled.

"Thanks for texting me Angela. I'll get her out of here. Sorry for any trouble we caused." She paid Cailins tab for her then took the bottle with them (Cailin drank it so it must be removed for health reasons.) As the pair stumbled out of the bar, Jane growled with disgust. Angela sighed and said nothing.

* * *

Once outside, Maura began to call a cab for them.

"N...no cab i live close by." Cailin objected.

"But you can barely walk. So how will you...?"

"Walk me home. Please." Cailin asked; her head dizzy. Her mouth still sore from earlier. She felt a nasty taste in her throat.

As Maura was considering it the younger woman threw up on Maura's shirt. Maura looked down at the shirt and sighed. Cailin looked at Maura horrified.

"I liked that shirt." Maura said.

"Sorry." Cailin said.

"How far you live from here?"

"About 10 minutes that way."

Maura relented. There was no point in calling a cab for a 10 minute walk. She took off her vomit covered shirt and put it in a plastic bag. Cailin blushed at the half naked doctor and shook her head to clear her thoughts.

"If I walk you home...no tricks. Understand?"

"Yes ma'am." Cailin said softly. Maura put her jacket over the doctor to protect her from the cold prying eyes of passersby as the pair walked/stumbled back to cailin's apartment.

As the pair walked Cailin thought about her patient and what Maura had said to her:

_No more scotch for a while. It wasn't my fault. I did everything I could. I'm a good doctor. I will only become better with time. _

_Right Mistress Maura?_

END


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